


Helping Sirius

by OverTheMoon4TheMarauders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationship, History of Family Abuse, Hurt Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern AU, Muggle AU, Physical Abuse, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverTheMoon4TheMarauders/pseuds/OverTheMoon4TheMarauders
Summary: Sirius has always struggled with his self-worth thanks to his family, and has tried his best to seem tough and not show people his weaknesses. When he gets in an abusive relationship at some point, none of his friends know about it until Remus, who has been in love with him forever, finds out. Remus tries, but Sirius won't let him help.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Benjy Fenwick, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57
Collections: Wolfstar Hurt Fest





	Helping Sirius

Breathe, Sirius. Just breathe. You’ll be fine. Just hold it together for a little while longer. Sirius tried to convince himself in the mirror. Really, he was anything but fine, but he had to keep up the appearances. Sirius wanted nothing more than to scream and cry, but he couldn’t. Not now. Looking into the mirror once more, he put on a smile, covered up his bruises, sat up straight, and walked out of the restaurant bathroom.

“Sirius,” James motioned when he caught sight of his friend. “You alright mate? You were in there for a while.”

Ignoring Remus’s searching look, Sirius widened his fake smile and replied, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” Then Sirius plastered a fake look of confusion on his face. That seemed to be enough for James, who broke into a smile once more and motioned for Sirius to sit in the empty seat next to him. Remus, however, was a different story. As Sirius was trying to listen to James’s rambling, he received a sharp kick under the table from Remus. When Sirius looked at him, Remus gave him the look. The ‘I know you’re lying and we need to talk’ look. Then, Remus motioned towards Sirius’s phone, so Sirius checked. Sure enough, as he predicted, there was a message from him.

(5:37 pm) Moony: Sirius, I know there’s something going on. I’ll drive you home so we can talk

Immediately, Sirius tried to come up with some sort of excuse to get out of it, but Remus was stubborn. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. It was one of the things that Sirius both loved and hated about Remus. Reluctantly, Sirius agreed.

(5:38 pm) Sirius: Ok.

Sirius then watched as Remus checked his phone then looked back up at Sirius. They nodded to each other in acknowledgement then went back to James’s rambling of football. The rest of dinner went well, until they were departing. 

“You lads are amazing! I love you guys. Did you know that?” Drunk James asked Remus. 

With a small chuckle, Remus replied, “Yes James. We love you too.” Then he lightly pushed James away. 

Undeterred, James leaned heavily onto Sirius. Caught off guard, Sirius noticeably flinched. James had put most of his body weight onto Sirius’s shoulder, which unbeknownst to everyone else, had a massive open wound on it.

“Ahh,” Sirius cried out as his knees buckled which sent him crashing to the floor.

Almost immediately James sobered up, and he and Remus bent down to help Sirius. Sirius had a very high tolerance for pain, and James always leaned on Sirius without that reaction

“What hurts?” Remus asked although he already knew the answer. A part of him wanted to know how much Sirius lied to them.

Mentally cursing himself, Sirius stood up and lied, “It’s just my shoulder. I must have pulled a muscle playing football with the others this weekend. I’m fine, just a bit sore.” He was too busy making up excuses to see the worried glance Remus and James shared. 

“If you’re sure,” James said uncertainly. “Well, I should get going, then.” 

Sirius didn’t look up as James and Sirius exchanged goodbyes. “Come on Sirius. Let’s go take you home.”

Sirius couldn’t let Remus see what happened at home. “No, Remus. It’s ok, I can walk home. It’s not that far, really.”

Remus looked at Sirius incredulously. “Sirius, you live 3 miles away! What’s really going on that you don’t want me to see.” When Sirius didn’t answer, Remus continued, “Sirius, we know something is going on.*****. We used to come and visit each other all the time, but now you’re being distant and keeping us away. I’m going to your apartment with or without you, so are you coming with me or not.” Deep down, Remus knew it wasn’t right to invade his privacy like that, but something wasn’t right. He was determined to know what it was.

Sirius was internally panicking. Once again he desperately tried to search his head for some type of excuse, but he knew it was no use. Remus was an extremely determined person. Sirius relented and left in Remus’s car.

It was awkward in the car for the two men. Neither of them seemed to know what to say to the other. Only when Remus had pulled up to Sirius’s apartment did they speak.

Sirius stepped out and said, “Thank you Remus, really.” Then he stood there as he watched, waiting for Remus to leave.  
This struck Remus as odd for Sirius. Almost immediately, he said, “I’ll walk you up,” as he exited the car and walked towards Sirius. 

This truly frightened Sirius. “No, really Remus, I got it.” Sirius didn’t notice his breathing get heavier, but Remus did.

Remus walked towards Sirius to calm him down, and he put his hand on his shoulder as a calming gesture. Unfortunately, it was the same spot James had touched earlier, and it got the same reaction. Sirius cried out and his knees gave out because the pain was just too intense. 

“Sirius, what on Earth-” Remus started. It was then he noticed that underneath Sirius’s leather jacket, his white shirt was bloodstained. And it looked fresh. Without asking permission or giving warning, Remus tore Sirius’s jacket off as carefully as he could and ripped open the shirt. Sirius had stopped resisting at this point and just sat there. He was horrified at what he saw. There was an open wound the size of a book with small pieces of glass inside of it. Upon closer inspection, Remus saw large bruises around it. Remus ripped Sirius’s shirt completely off and had to hold back tears at the sight before him. Sirius, his Sirius, had so many bruises and cuts all around his torso. You could barely see any skin that wasn’t marred or bruised in some way.

“Sirius,” he started. “Who did this to you?” He asked in a near whisper. 

He’s going to hate me, Sirius thought as tears formed in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” was all that Sirius could say.

“Sirius, I can help you, but you need to tell me who did this,” Remus said louder and as calmly as he possibly could. On the inside he was sad that he never knew, and furious that someone would do this to Sirius. “Sirius, please answer me.”

I can’t tell him, Sirius thought. I deserve this. “No one did it.” Sirius tried.

“Sirius please just tell me what happened.” Remus pleaded again.

“I deserved it, was all that Sirius could say before he got up and ran towards his apartment.

After Remus had recovered, he tried to chase after Sirius, but he already out of sight. Think, Remus. Think of a plan. Think of something, anything, Remus internally yelled at himself. Then it came to him. 

Remus pulled out his phone and called the first person that came to mind. On the second tone the person picked up. “Hello?”

“James, meet me at Sirius’s apartment as fast as you can. I need your help.”

“I’m on my way,” was his only reply before he hung up. 

“I’m coming Sirius,” Remus muttered to himself before walking into the building.

Since it had been a while, it took Remus a considerable amount of time to find Sirius’s apartment. As Remus was about to knock, he heard yelling, so he put his ear close to the door to listen.

“You’re such an idiot. You should have listened to me. Now, your friends are going to hate you.” That was Sirius’s boyfriend, Benjy, Remus recalled in shock. Benjy had seemed so nice.

Remus’s thoughts were interrupted when he heard Sirius’s meek reply. “I’m sorry Benjy.” It broke Remus’s heart to hear Sirius so broken. 

Sirius, the man in question, was terrified. He made a huge mistake in letting Remus see him, and he was probably going to get the worst punishment ever tonight.

“You worthless swine,” Benjy said as he backhanded Sirius as hard as he could across the face. Caught unawares, Sirius fell to the ground onto the floor with a thud. “Do you know what’s going to happen now to me? Do you even care about anyone? Your parents were right about you. You are nothing, and never will be. You deserve to die.” And with that, Benjy grabbed a bat and swung hard at Sirius’s ribs. It was as if time had slowed down. Sirius could hear and feel his lungs cracked, and he automatically knew something was wrong. His blurry went fuzzy and his ears started ringing. He was in so much pain and he was glad that Benjy had stopped but he didn’t know why. He turned his head as the ringing in his ear had stopped.

He saw Benjy pushing the front door closed because someone was obviously trying to get in. In a blur he saw Benjy fall over as the door landed on him. Whoever was trying to get through the door had succeeded. Suddenly he felt hands on his face. As he looked closer, his eyes focused on Remus’s amber ones. He looked past Remus and saw James wrestling Benjy. He looked back at Remus and saw that Remus was saying something, but he couldn’t hear or process it. It was just too much for Sirius. He was too tired. He tried to tell Remus this. 

“I’m tired, Remmy,” Sirius whispered. Then he fell limp.

“James, he moved. That’s it, Sirius. Open your eyes. You can do it,” Remus gently coaxed.

Sirius opened his eyes to see an his worried friends and a bright white room with no recollection of how he got there. “Where am I?” he asked as he closed his eyes again.

There was a pause before Remus answered in a sad voice, “You’re in the hospital, Siri. Do you remember why?” 

In that moment, it all flooded back to Sirius. All the physical and emotional pain Benjy had inflicted upon him hit him all at once, and before he could stop it, Sirius started crying. 

This was the last thing James and Remus expected to happen. Nevertheless, they rushed to help. Remus gently sat next to Sirius and held him while James sat in the chair and held Sirius’s hand. It wasn’t much, but it immensely helped Sirius. 

They sat there for about 20 minutes before they heard a knock on the door. It was the doctor. “Hello,” she said. “I’m Dr. McKinnon. It’s a pleasure to meet you, thought the reason we’re here is unfortunate. If you don’t mind, I’d like to speak to Mr. Black.” 

James and Remus moved to stand, but they were stopped by Sirius. “Actually, can they stay? I’ve pushed them away too much, and I would really like them here.”

She silently agreed, so James and Remus stayed as she spoke, “Mr. Black, you had 3 broken ribs, 2 bruised ribs, a fractured shoulder, several deep wounds and too many bruises to count. The person who inflicted these, I understand his name is Benjamin Fenwick, is in jail at the moment. He was taken into custody thanks to your friends here. All of these injuries will heal with a bit of time and help. You are extremely lucky, Mr. Black.” She paused to check her beeping phone. “I’m so sorry but I have an emergency. I’ll be back later with more information.” And with that she left. 

A few silent seconds had passed before Remus spoke up. “James,” he addressed James directly. “Can I have a moment alone with Sirius, please?”

James looked as if he wanted to protest, but instead he nodded and wordlessly walked out. Now it was just Remus and Sirius.

Sirius purposely looked away from Remus and waited for Remus to start the inevitable conversation. To Sirius’s surprise, he heard Remus start crying and turned his head to see.

“How long was this going on, Sirius?” Remus asked sadly.

Sirius couldn’t lie to Remus, so he answered honestly. “Since I got together with Benjy.”

This answer both shocked and angered Remus. “Sirius,” he started shakily. “You mean to tell me that this has been going on for over a year? You kept this from us for over a year?”

Sirius nervously nodded.

“Why, Sirius?”

Finally, Sirius thought. I have a chance to explain. “Remus, he was helping me. Please don’t interrupt,” he quickly added as he noticed Remus open his mouth to speak. “You can’t come from the Black family and not be a bad person. He was helping me learn to be a better person, and he only punished me when I did something wrong. He tried his best, and yes the punishment last night was bad, but he’s not a bad person. He’s really not. He’s nice, and caring, and he makes me feel wanted. I’ve never felt wanted like that. I don’t even want me sometimes. I just wanted that,” he finished lamely.

I hate his family, Remus thought as more tears welled up in his eyes. Sirius had suffered so much because of the awful things they planted in Sirius’s head. “Sirius, you are already an amazing person. Too amazing for this world, really. You are the kindest, funniest, smartest, and most caring man I know, regardless of what your family says. James and I, we’re your family, and we both love you and never want to see you hurt. What your family and Benjy did weren’t right in any way. And I’m so sorry that I wasn’t able to help you before it got this bad.” 

Sirius and Remus both had rather short speeches in regards to what they each wanted to say, but they understood each other so well that they both knew what the other meant. 

Remus wanted to stop there, but he just couldn’t stop the word vomit from coming out. “Sirius, why didn’t you say something. You had to know what he was doing wasn’t right.” He continued talking so that Sirius didn’t get a chance to speak. “If you had said or done something, anything, this could have been avoided. I had to corner you and practically break into your apartment to do something. And what did I see?” He knew he was being unreasonable and selfish, but Sirius had to hear what he had to say what he wanted to. “I saw you dying on the floor at the hands of your boyfriend. Your carpet was already stained with blood and so were other places in your apartment. I had to watch the medics reveal all your wounds and start working on them, but you know what the worst part was? I watched you flatline. And that was the worst moment of my life. You died, right in front of me Sirius, all because you couldn’t see yourself the way we see you.” By the end of his speech Remus was yelling and crying while Sirius looked stricken.

“I’m sorry, Moony,” he tried, but that made it worse.

“You’re sorry? You shouldn’t be sorry, Sirius. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should have told you how amazing you were. I should have showed you how I saw you. I love you, Sirius, can’t you see? And,” he paused, internally debating. “I should have done this a while ago.”

Sirius watched confused as Remus walked over, grabbed his face, and pulled him into a kiss. Remus is kissing me, Sirius screamed in his thoughts. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t complaining. Being around Remus had always felt right, and he had always been in love with him. But he never thought that it would become a reality. Yet, here he was: Remus was kissing him, and Sirius was kissing him back. 

When they finally pulled apart for air, Sirius pulled Remus into a hug and whispered, “I think I’m going to be okay. As long as I have you, I’ll be okay.”

“You’ll always have me, Sirius. Never doubt that. I love you so much that it hurts sometimes. I will be here for you every step of the way. We’ll heal together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!


End file.
